O.T. Need advice......Kids

[eggman918]

I am currently trying to cope with my daughter and son in law getting divorced,I am in the position that EVERYONE is pissed at me.
I dont care which "kid" is at fault there is plenty of blame to go around.I only care about the grand babies they did not cause this and are getting the short end of this.
How do I walk this thin line without causing the stress to the grandkids as that is my main concern.Am I making this worse by trying to keep the kids out of this?
The kids are 14 months and 3 1/2 years,.......I am in WAY over my head......??????

[Alvin in AZ]

IMO and IME there's no protecting the kids from the parents. :(
If they are too selfish to get along (one or both jerks) what the heck can anyone do?
Just went through this with my grand kids 3 and 4 years old.
Daughter in law lost weight and went crazy! No kidding.
Got into drugs of various kinds and picking up guys on Craig's List etc etc.
Lawyers just plain ol' robbed the two of them in the process too!

Good Mormon girl one minute, lost weight, went crazy. {shrug}

Alvin in AZ

[eggman918]

There is no violence the parents are 21 and 22 so they are still kids,my main complaint is the lack of discretion that EVERYONE shows in there conduct in front of the kids.
They live next door on our property so we are trying to maintain normalcy, it is so frustrating to me...........I would like to take both of them and bang their heads together
to reset their thought process. However I am the only one that is at least trying to keep my emotions in check...........it is VERY difficult.
How hard is "till death do us part" to comprehend,If the wife and I gave up that easily.......if you think that marriage is easy,just shack up and use multiple forms of
birth control.
It feels good to vent thanks Steve

[Ranchero50]

Wow, as Robroy says being rock in storm comes to mind as the best approach. Perhaps tell them (parents) together or seperate that they are acting irresponsible around the kids and to send the kids to pap's place while they fight or hash things out.

Jamie

[tanusfarms]

steve i'm 29 and grew up in a broken home, at age 22 i went through a divorce from a woman i didn't really know i was foolish and got married at a very young age. this divorce isn't a fact that i'm proud of but it is something that made me the person i am today. we had no kids together but i am now re married with 2 beautifel twin boys. In my expierence staying available for all parties (the grand kids, and the kids) is cructial. by available i mean accesable, visist the grand kids take them on outings ensure the kids know you're available to listen if need be, either as a group or one on one which ever is most comfortable. the 3 1/2 yr old should be starting to form memories i know i retain some memories from roughly that age. If both parties have someone that they know is a strong tower, the pillar in their life. It helps whether they choose to admit it or not. they may not say it now but even if the divorce continues and does happen your actions can still help all four of the people going through this. It is important that you not try to push you judgement onto the parents in my opinion. What would help them most of all is someone who is there to listen to them and make them feel like they are important, like their feelings mean something to someone. When i was in my first marriage we live with my parents off and on breifly, this was by far the most challenging part of that marrige and ultimately could have been what caused it to fail. We were never able to create an identity that was us as a family it always involved the parents to some degree. That put alot of undue stress on us and at 21 or 22 i had no clue in how to handle it or how to get out of that situation. When it all comes down to the end of it this is a choice they have to make as a couple, as a parent you will still be involved in both of their lives due to the children whether you enjoy it or not no matter what the out come is. When i went through my divorce my father accused me of being on drugs did many other derogatory things. I have never done drugs and i never will. as a result when my children were born he and i sat down and talked about my need for him to change how he looks at people or at least me. he refused. i then told him i couldn't in good judgment allow him to see my children until i knew he would not be abusive to them as he was to me my whole life. to this day (5 yrs later) he still hasn't seen his grandchildren.

steve this is just a glance from what i see from my little speck of dirt. I know we all have different situations and circumstances. if this at all helps you then great if it doesn't then toss it out the window and find something that will. I feel for you haveing to watch your family go through this time, i know its not easy not being able to do more about it. sometime i believe we are presented with events such as this in our lives so we can grow and help those around when they are presented with thier trial. I hope and pray that no matter which path you decide to take concerning this that you will find it a successfull one.

[codster68]

I totally feel for you and all your stress it is hard being the middle man on top of just living life. I think the approach and attitude you are having is perfect for the situation and just remember that in most cases of break ups or divorces the bad guy usually is the neutral person. Sad to hear that the children have to go through this but at least they will have GRANDPARENTS to be their rock and to be spoiled.

[Montana71-F100]

I'm no expert either. I would try to talk them in to counseling from a minister, professional marriage counselor or family counselor. I agree that marriage should be forever. (It’s been 25 years for us.) The problems with divorce are forever too so if they could work it out that would be the best.

There isn’t much training on how to be a good spouse so any young couple could use some help. Churches have weekend events that are good. One is called Marriage Encounter. We went to an Engaged Encounter. I think all denominations have something like that.

Good luck!